I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
