It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
