She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
