Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
