My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
