sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize