Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
