I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize