So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This toilet bowl is my home.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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