my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
