im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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