Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize