I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
