I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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