Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
