i permit you to call me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
