if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
