So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize