Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she peed on how many people?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
