so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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