since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
