Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
accomplished twins. life is a go
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
my liver is dry heaving
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
