my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
