I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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