I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
