You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
