I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
