Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
