Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
