remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
