Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
