Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I can text with my tongue
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
