someone get that fucking seahorse.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
