3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
