3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
