So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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