If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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