He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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