there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
