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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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