so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
