my phone needs a breathalizer
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just gift wrapped bread.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize