That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize