I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
