Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize