This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
