grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
