We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
