Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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