shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
