I cannot find my penis.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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