I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
