I'm drive I can fine osifer
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
smell my finger.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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