why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
