How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
