STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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