Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
