Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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