I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
