yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
