Porn is love you can see.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
