just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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