i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize