so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
