what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
