1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Banned from zoo.
Again?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
