You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
be right there i have to get my cape
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
