I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
