Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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