If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
