zippers are such a cool invention
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
