you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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