you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
