btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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