New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
