I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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