did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
