if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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