Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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