Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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