I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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