she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I know her cup size but not her name....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
