oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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