i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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