Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
