what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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