It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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