I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
