I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
