I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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