Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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