he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
