some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize