He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
