Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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