Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
