I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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