D3 body, D1 cock
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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