I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
