This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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